So You Think You Don't Like Poetry

I'm feeling like a rebel today. I planned to do laundry today and then just totally didn't. SUCK IT, laundry!

In honor of my anti-establishment behavior, I give you "Punk Pantoum," by Pamela Stewart. It follows the rather strict rules of a pantoum just enough to count, but cheats just enough to make it, well, punk.

This is a tough form; the repeating lines are an obstacle to advancing any sort of narrative because the poem keeps circling back in on itself. Traditionally, the first couplet in each quatrain is an image and the last couplet, an explanation of the image, but Stewart plays with that balance and tweaks it to suit her poem. The end result is pretty f*cking spectacular. I hope you like this poem as much as I do.

Punk Pantoum

Tonight I'll walk the razor along your throat
You'll wear blood jewels and last week's ochre bruise
There's a new song out just for you and me
There's sawdust on the floor, and one dismembered horse

You'll wear blood jewels and last week's final bruise
I got three shirts from the hokey-man at dawn
There'll be sawdust on the floor and, ha, his dismembered horse:
Rust-stained fetlock, gristle, bone and hoof . . .

They'll look good hanging from the shirt I took at dawn.
Bitch, let's be proud to live at Eutaw Place
With rats, a severed fetlock, muscle, bone and hooves,
George will bring his snake and the skirt Divine threw out.

For now, I'm glad we live at Eutaw Place
Remember how we met at the Flower Mart last Spring?
George wore his snake and the hose Divine threw out—
Eating Sandoz oranges, we watched the ladies in their spats.

Remember how you burned your hair at the Flower Mart last May?
I put it out with Wes Jones' checkered pants,
The pulp of oranges and that old lady's hat—
I knew I loved you then, with your blistered face and tracks

That I disinfected with Wes Jones' filthy pants
There's a new song out just for you and me
That says I'll always love you and your face. Let's make
new tracks
Tonight, dragging the white-hot razor across our throats
and back...

Ten Great Make-out Songs

It's summer, which is in my opinion, the best season for making out. Not that making out is a seasonal pleasure, but there's something about sun and beaches and fruity cocktails that makes me especially keen to lock lips. So here's my list of all-time favorite songs that are well-suited for smooching. Feel free in the comments section to add in your own picks!

1. Crimson and Clover (Tommy James and the Shondells)
2. Succexy (Metric)*
3. Everybody Here Wants You (Jeff Buckley)
4. Father Figure (George Michael)
5. With a Girl Like You (The Troggs)
6. This is Not a Love Song (Nouvelle Vague)
7. Can't Stop Thinking About You (Martin Sexton)
8. Tear You Apart (She Wants Revenge)
9. I've Got To See You Again (Norah Jones)
10. You Know I'm No Good (Arctic Monkeys)

*Really, every song on Metric's album Old World Underground, Where Are You Now is great for making out.

The obligatory MJ post

Where were you when you heard the news?


I had just arrived to my 6 pm class and some girl was like, "Isn't it crazy, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, in the same day!"

And I was like, "blerg, what, huh, really?"

The girl showed me the headline on her iPhone triumphantly, clearly thrilled that she got to deliver THE NEWS to someone. When I checked my cell phone during a break in class, sure enough, I had 5 "Michael Jackson died!" text messages. I didn't understand until later that night, at a bar:

Me: "Guys, we should toast to MJ!" [cheers erupt]

My friend Claire: "Why are we toasting Michael Jackson?"

Everyone else at the bar: "BECAUSE HE DIED, omg, DIDN'T YOU HEAR???!?!?!??"

There is something oddly satisfying about being the bearer of important, internationally relevant bad news. Another friend told me he was walking down Boylston St. and a guy was slowly riding his bike, stopping everyone to tell them. My friend speculated that he wasn't actually en route to anywhere, but just wanted to be the guy who told people that Michael Jackson was dead.

How affected am I by the King of Pop's death? I am shocked and sad-- I would have liked to see him succeed in his latest planned comeback tour. Like everyone, I love his early hits and was obsessed with the "Black or White" video for years. I had the "Bad" album on cassette and "Dangerous" was one of the first CDs I bought with my own money (along with Madonna's "Immaculate Collection" and Paula Abdul's "Spellbound").

But my life proceeds pretty normally minus Michael. I do feel a bit bad for Farrah -- until 2:26 pm PST on Thursday, she was definitely going to be on the cover of People this week. Now I'm guessing she'll get a sidebar photo.

Menupages FAIL, Child Trafficking WIN

From menupages.com:

As my friend Dave surmised, "In this tough economy, exotic kids have to be priced to move!"

Special thanks to Tim Cooper for LOLgraphics assistance.