Conversations with clothes

Listen up, Powder Blue Rabbit Fur Poncho:


Yeah, I'm talking to you. I WILL figure out how to wear you out of the house someday. I see you smirking at me in the closet, all "Ha ha, you don't have the balls to wear me!" Look, poncho, you pose a sartorial challenge, I admit. I have trouble with the poncho look in general. And then when you add the fact that you are controversially made of actual bunny fur...well, it's almost too much. I've tried putting you on over jeans and you look silly. I've tried putting you on over a dress and you look even sillier. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU BUT I AM DETERMINED TO FIGURE IT OUT IN CALENDAR YEAR 2010.

And as for you, Gold Lamè Backless Halter Top?


Seriously, what the hell am I supposed to do with you. I know you were worn by Christie Brinkley in an 80s cigarette commercial, but still. I can't do backless because of what I have going on frontwards. But you're so undeniably awesome, in a Studio 54 way, that I refuse to give up and sell you on eBay. You hear me, Gold Lamè Backless Halter Top? You're not going anywhere. I'm going to wear you, even if it's under a blazer and only I know you're under there.

Black Ostrich Feather Necklace. Sigh.


Look at you. Maybe if I were an octogenarian opera diva from Vienna, I could pull off wearing you. Or Joan Collins. But as a graduate student living in a studio in Allston, MA? You drive a hard bargain. I have found a temporary solution, though:


At least someone can get some use out of you.

Well, Rhinestone-Studded Yves Saint Laurent Black Pumps, I have at least worn you.


But I want to wear you MORE. I only wear you, like, once every two years. I need more occasions to wear you, more places where I can wear you without looking deranged. You are the gem of my shoe collection and virtually no one has seen you. Let's work together on this, can we?

All of the above items were given to me by one person: my eccentric aunt, a cookbook author and former high-powered ad exec. She gives me tons of amazing stuff, some of which is borderline unwearable, but I just can't part with any of it. And the story about the gold halter stop? Totally true. Only me and motherf%$*ing Christie Brinkley have worn that thing. She was stylishly taking a drag off a MAX cigarette (a now defunct Virginia Slim-esque brand) when she wore it. Maybe I should take up smoking.

This stuff is only the tip of the iceberg -- I have more crazy things in my closet that I will reveal on this blog in later posts (red alligator cowboy boots, a funereal black hat with netting from the 20s, a sequined bolero...). Lots of girls have costume jewelry, but how many have costume clothes? For a long time, I was her only niece and the sole recipient of all this craziness, but there is now another....and she has no idea what's in store for her. Lucky bitch.

Seymour Philip Hoffman and other memorable Oscar moments

Well, well, well. Another Oscars down and overall, I was pretty entertained. Some of the production choices were questionable and as always, the number of montages was excessive, but the live broadcast seemed to go smoothly and there weren't too many surprises.

In my betting pool, folks were unanimously outraged by Bruce Springsteen's snub, since his song for "The Wrestler" was awesome. A song from "Slumdog Millionaire" called something like "Giant Ho" took the award. We were split on Mickey vs. Sean, and although I was rooting for Mickey, I correctly predicted Sean's win. Initially, I was outraged at the "Council of Elders" format for the acting awards (thanks to Andrew W. for that genius description) and then once I realized how moving/meaningful it was to the nominees, I decided it was a good change. I guess this is really more about them then my viewing pleasure.

But Barbara Walters interviewing the Jonas Brothers? And Beyonce's lip-synching? And Alan Arkin's Best Supporting Actor tribute to "Seymour Philip Hoffman"? Kind of inexcusable, even if PSH was wearing a knit cap with his formal wear. And you know that curtain gaffe in the opening moments right before the Best Supporting Actress montage got somebody fired. That's maybe what I like best about the Oscars-- all the little moments where you know the PAs backstage are shitting their pants.

Anyway, I was psyched for Kate, a little sad for Mickey, pleased with Angelina's accessories, and delighted with Hugh's opening musical number even though he lost steam later on.

Top Five Favorite Dresses/Looks:

1. Taraji P. Henson -- can I borrow this dress for my wedding?

2. Alicia Keys


3. Anne Hathaway. I'm not a huge fan of her acting, but girlfriend looked gorgeous.


4. Meryl Streep. I mean, as entertaining as it is when Meryl shows up in some random frumpy outfit because she doesn't expect to win, I appreciate it when she puts in the effort.


5. Robert Downey, Jr. I'M SO EXCITED FOR SHERLOCK HOLMES!

Yum. If I weren't lazy, I'd photoshop his wife out of the picture, but I guess I'll just have to mentally erase her for now.