Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Few of My Favorite Things

I thought it would be fun to just post a compilation of things I've been enjoying recently. If a dog bites you or a bee stings you, maybe some of these things will improve your mood. It worked for Julie Andrews, it can work for you.

1. Favorite YouTube Video (at the moment, this will probably change by tomorrow)

2. Favorite Inappropriate Hip Hop Song: "One More Drink" by Ludacris

The lyrics in the chorus suggest date rape:

"If I take one more drink, I gonna end up fucking you"

Much like Red Lobster's "Endless Shrimp" campaign, that sounds like equal parts promise and threat. Also, if you're out on the dance floor and singing this to someone as your grinding with them, isn't that kind of offensive? Like "Baby, I'm almost trashed enough to try to take you home. One more drink, and I'm THHHHEEEEERRRREEE."

3. Favorite Joke (told to me by Shane Mauss)

So these two guys are at a bar, having some drinks, and in walks this dude with a gigantic orange head. He sits down and has a drink, while the two guys next to him try not to stare. But finally, curiosity gets the better of them and one of them says, "Man, I have to ask: what's with your big orange head?"

Orange-Head Guy sighs and takes a sip of his beer. "Well," he says, "the truth is that I found a magic genie in a lamp and the genie gave me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to be married to a supermodel. And I am! She's fucking gorgeous. Then I wished for 10 million dollars-- and wham! I have more money then I know what to do with."

He pauses.

"Yeah, I think where I went wrong was when I wished to have a gigantic orange head."

4. Favorite Exchange with a Patron at the Hong Kong

Me: (handing the man a menu) Let me know if I can get you anything.

Man: Do you guys have pizza?

Me: (puzzled) No...this is a Chinese restaurant.

Man: (clearly disappointed) Oh. (suddenly brightens) Do you guys have calzones?

Me: ??????

5. Favorite Urban Slang I Sound Stupid Using

It's a tie between "clutch" and "gangsta"

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