Nine People I'm Glad I'm Not (in no particular order)
1. The CEO of Six Flags
According to Slate, economic recession = less people willing to blow $60 in order to wait in line, ride in plastic logs and eat funnel cake. Also, there's always a chance that you could get decapitated or wind up having your feet severed when a ride malfunctions, as was the case for poor 13-year-old Kaitlyn Lasitter. Unsurprisingly, Lasitter's parents are suing Six Flags on the grounds that their daughter suffered severe emotional and physical pain and that her ability to earn money has been dramatically impaired. I'm also going to venture a guess that her ability to dance the quickstep has been compromised as well.
2. Natasha Timarovic
Natasha Timarovic, 27, was cleaning her teeth at in her home in the Croatian city of Zadar when lightning struck the building.
She said: "I had just put my mouth under the tap to rinse away the toothpaste when the lightning must have struck the building. I don't remember much after that, but I was later told that the lightning had travelled down the water pipe and struck me on the mouth, passing through my body. It was incredibly painful, I felt it pass through my torso and then I don't remember much at all."
She was wearing rubber bathroom shoes at the time and so instead of earthing through her feet it appears the electricity shot out of her backside," a medic told local newspaper, 24 Sata.3. Maddie Briann Spears, even if they don't allow Aunt Britney to babysit
4. You, if you sat through "The Love Guru" last weekend
5. This carnie with his pet chicken
6. Either of the Two Coreys
7. My high school classmate Mike Huntsucker (just say his name out loud)
8. Chase Sampson, who flew all the way from Tennessee to go on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" and then got the first question wrong.
9. The inventor of New Coke