Sunday, November 28, 2010

My Thanksgiving, in statistics

Number of relatives that flew in from the West Coast: 5

Number of happy hours my brother and I hit before seeing our relatives: 2
Number of different pies baked: 4

Number of fights I had with my mom: 2
Number of fights she remembers us having: 1
Number of lines of bad dialogue in "Burlesque": 4, 387

Number of plastic surgery procedures Cher admits to having: 3
Number of Broadway shows seen: 3
Number of Broadway shows seen that were directed by Alex Timbers: 2
Number of drunk/high adults in the audience at the Peewee Herman show: 497
Number of glasses of wine consumed: more than 5 and less than 50
Number of times the woman next to me on the train to New York got up to pee: 3
Number of times I was asked about my love life: CRANBERRY SAUCE
Number of years my grandmother has been awesome: 92
Number of sticks of butter in my mom's stuffing: unknown

Number of regrettable drunken texts sent: 6
Number of tablespoons of Johnny Walker Black added to my chocolate pecan pie recipe: 4
Number of minutes I waited in line at Starbucks on Thursday morning: 25
Number of children with nicer winter coats than me spotted in aforementioned line: 3

Number of pairs of socks borrowed from my ex-boyfriend (at whose apartment I was staying) because I forgot to pack socks: 2 (sorry, Noah)
Number of times the word "number" appears in the blog post: 19!

And one bonus, non-numerical piece of data: for the best story that may or may not be true and/or grossly exaggerated told by a family member, it's a tie between

-- my aunt describing the time she met Cher and Cher appeared to be wearing a bedspread
-- my mom talking about seeing Stevie Wonder open for the Rolling Stones and falling off the stage

Ah, the holidays. The fun is just beginning.


J.A.G. said...

This is hilarious. If I had to number any part of my holidays, it would be an ongoing casseroles to vegetables ratio at our gatherings. Pretty sure the casseroles would win every year.

Sarah Funke said...

If you search for "Stevie Wonder falls off stage" on youtube you get him falling down at an Obama rally. Just sayin'.

Sarah Funke said...

If you search for "Stevie Wonder falls off stage" on youtube you get him falling down at an Obama rally. Just sayin'.

Shari said...

I never said "he fell off the stage". What I DID say was: "he got up from his piano and was grovin' towards the edge of the stage (singing "a Yeh a Yeh Yeh a Yeh a Yeh Yeh" all the while)and his 2 bitches i.e. backup singers gently guided him back to his piano bench". Or something to that effect. This happeded twice during the pre act for the Stones. Here is another note regarding that night: My then boyfriend had me place two fat doobies inside the case of my binoculars, one on each lense. At the security check point The Man asked me to open the case. I almost had a heart attack and saw visions of my being arrested on the spot and disgracing my family, especially my father. The cop looked at the doobies, smiled, and waived me on. My boyfriend (soon to be ex) explained that they were looking for weapons (this was right after Haight Ashbury)and could care less about maryjane. I did not forgive him.

Shari said...

I meant "gooving" obviously